Disconnection of Emotion

I have been pondering all day what I could possibly write on my blog that sounds both witty, intelligent, from the heart and about something that has gotten up my nose of late, well, then that is even more entertaining.

But truth is, I am that pumped up on legal uppers at the moment, I don't think I am capable of getting cross or even thinking angry (unless party plan is mentioned of course, but even then that is more a thought of 'Oh for goodness sake, not more bloody pastics'.)

So back to angry and emotions, where was I. Okay brief re-read and back on track we go.

I am currently on that many legal uppers I technically should not be able to wipe the smile of my face and should be nothing but little miss sunshine.  Nearly true.

Firstly, I take an anti-depressant to help deal with certain OCD issues, anxiety and just a little bit of depression thrown in (upper drug).  Since the birth of middle child I have become a lover of coffee. Before middle child I could not stand the smell of coffee let alone it touching my lips to be consumed (upper drug easily administered and often) a few too many of these during the day and i am naturally buzzing come afternoon and evenings. Then of late i have declared war on the baby fat that has built up on my limbs, from having 3 children in 4 years.  After discussion with a wonderful bulk billing doctor it turns out he has given me yet another upper which is the equivalent to speed. This i was not aware of until the second day of consuming when i realised come lunch time, tablets taken, too many coffees consumed and I was off my nut. I was buzzing like a bee collecting pollen. The world was rushing around me, my legs and arms were moving continuously and i was breaking out in to song every so often.  My family needless to say were looking at me quite peculiar and i am sure the neighbours were wondering if i was auditioning as back up singer for Lady Gaga or Kings of Leon...

I then realised that the speed was giving me a huge injection of happiness however it was overriding the anti-depressant and triggering anxiety followed by OCD of cleaning..

So here i ponder to myself, what is the good of taking all, if one is counteracting the other? Should I still take one or should i continue as is?

With 3 children is it really all that bad that i have become OCD with cleaning, that I don't get angry or have any emotion other than a calm, relaxed, clean, laid back manner?

Should I be concerned the only thing i really feel is a chronic restless, nervous energy pulsating through my blood?

Perhaps i should use this energy for the greater good?! I could run relays for charity. I could clean little old people's houses. I could become a something useful. I could, I could... I am sure there is a lot i could do with this energy but i just can't think right now as, as seems to be the 'thing' i have continually thoughts, ideas running like a freight train through my brain with no fat controller to stop it and am not able to get back on the correct train line to continue on my daily ramble (at this moment).

With this i have lost my train of thought and must bid you adieu!