All too often I hear and feel the harmful damage that unnecessary gossip (no gossip is needed really) has on people including myself. I wonder where the sanctity of secrets and talking in confidence have gone. Too often i hear and have said 'Hey don't tell anyone because i promised i wouldn't say anything but .....' without thinking about the impact and burden it may have on the person the information is being told too and the person who is being talked about. Woman are dreadful for gossiping and it is in our human genetic makeup i think, that has us telling a good story we've been told or heard to the next person.
Some small useless gossip is harmless however all gossip is retold to another over and over making it in to something larger than life and eventually reaches back to the person(s) it is pertaining too. This can cause drastic over exaggeration, major additions and changes to facts that aren't related, needed or true. Some gossip is just plain dumb. Who really wants to gossip about 'he said she said'.
Why promise not to tell then tell?
What does the gossiper really have to gain?
Friendship - nope as it shows the person they are gossiping too that the other person can't be trusted with personal facts.
Respect - again nope.
Attention - yes, they gain 15 minutes of fame. Only problem is this attention can backfire substantially and have serious repercussions. Such as they are busted on exaggerating the truth, may tell a lie to get the 15 minutes and may be unable to hold or remember the lie for future recall.
I am one of these annoying people that if i hear idle gossip i approach the person direct and confront them instead of believing every word of the gossip and getting more and more upset, offended or just outright angry. Whether the person has the balls to tell the truth is up to them, however by confronting someone direct and not passing on the idle gossip causes the Chinese whisper to cease immediately. By confronting the person direct as well it lets them know that someone they have entrusted with a secret has squealed like a pig and then it is up to them on if they wish to continue a friendship. I have at least been truthful instead of continuing gossip.
I experienced today this situation.
I was told by B that someone had told someone that certain things had been said to someone who was a sister of B close friend. As soon as B explained what was said alarm bells rang. It was originally me that had casually mentioned it as the someone had asked the questions, however the person i had said it too then proceeded to blow it all out of proportion and try to create unnecessary trouble between myself, B, B's close friend and her sister. My immediate reaction was to ring B's friend and explain truthfully how it was my fault as i had touched on the subjects with the person and did not realise the person would switch the words up and go running back to other people, intentionally causing trouble. The person did originally say she would find out direct from the sister however i told her best not as it is not an issue.
The only conclusion we could all draw was this person is considerable bored with their life and must meddle to create a drama. This is very sad and i sincerely hope this person soon realises what happens when persistent meddling is created and hope they one day wake up and realise they have no friends, no support and are severely left out of the loop as no one trusts said person. For this I am bitterly disappointed and will never as long as i exist trust any information the person says or confide in the person about future events.
So, next time you consider gossiping and spreading gossip amongst friends, ensure you can be ready to handle the backlash when busted. Please consider how the other person you gossip to feels, how the person the gossip relates too will feel when discovering the deception. The place yourself in their shoes and imagine how you would feel if you could not trust anyone with your closest secrets. How you would feel if your deepest secret was spread like wild fire.
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