Man v Woman

If you are female you all too well know the vast differences between males and females.  However, if you are male you simply scratch your head in wonder, not quite sure what the hell is going on.  So here's the differences I see all too often in my house.

My house consists of B and myself, both around the age of 30. Two masters, 5 and 2. One little miss aged 1.2.

Let's start this comparison from somewhere between 5am and 6am.  I start the day waking to children, B hears children and proceeds to ensure he roles on to good ear so as to block out children.  This also happens throughout the night depending what time, statistically higher chance of B awaking to children if he is asleep in bed before midnight, statistics show B, if asleep on couch, is completely deaf unless the smell of food reaches his nose. The morning then progresses to myself changing nappies, dressing children, getting breakfast, doing dishes, making bed and finally finishing off my dead cold coffee around 9am.  B morning consists of farting before climbing out of bed, making coffee, hiding outside chain smoking, morning crap for at least 10 minutes, make another coffee, more smokes then possibly assist in making children's breakfast.  The day for B usually consists then of napping on lounge (not currently working), playing computer games with kids and maybe a chore.  My day consists of house work, cold coffee's, cleaning up after B and children and sneaking off for some food uninterrupted. B kindly offers to let me put master 2 down for midday nap and if my mind is not ticking over too much with things to do today, tomorrow and later in the week I too get to catch up on sleep.  The evenings consist of B using every cooking appliance, utensil available to make tea followed by rinsing and dumping the dishes and resting in front of TV.  Meanwhile, I, clean again, bath and dress children and battle putting them to bed and reading, according to the children, numerous tales of naughty animals, dinosaurs, Cat in the Hat tongue twisters.  Then we have peace and quiet, by which stage I retreat to bed in preparation of a busy night.  The night consists of B sleeping, me waking every couple of hours to deal with night terrors, lost dummies, sensitive souls wanting their mum to lay with them.  So i wonder how men complain they have such a tough life when us woman do next to everything. 
I say goodnight and an hour later i am in bed (in that time i have cleaned something, checked on kids, locked doors, checked windows, turned off all the lights that B has left on) B says goodnight and is asleep within minutes.