I've had the most annoying things happen of late. Yes in proportion to world wide events really it is insignificant but to me, it matters.
First, a BF made me organise a birthday party for them, which I really thought was very rich considering back when my birthday was she insisted on organising something for my birthday and it wasn't until a day or two before hand she admitted she hadn't organised anything and couldn't be bothered. This is turn made hubby mad as if he had of known he would of organised something. He was given clear instructions by BF not to organise anything for either my birthday or anniversary (both on same day) as she was going to organise a wild event. So I was pretty pissed to then have to go ahead and organise something for BF. Self absorbtion of this person is high. Its not just me being a bitch.
Second, same BF continually twists stories, makes up dramas and then tries their hardest to make me feel bad for their awful mismanagement of time and absentmindness.... Sick of it would be an overstatement and am now finding I am avoiding this person as much as I can. There is only so much f(&^^ ups and lies you can take.
Thirdly, mother came to stay.. Oh My God is all I can say. Realisation of why i live far from family was clearly shown. Thank goodness. As lonely as I may become it is far better than being exposed to the BS of family politics and overall f*&^% up behaviour.
Fourthly, realisation that I am a complete dumb arse has hit home hard. I attempted to start a course at University. Was pumped all ready. Seriously if my bro can do it, surely I can, I am suppose to be the smarter one. Nope, I am crap. I thought I was doing great only to realise that I can't do it. The things I think I am good at I am crap and those around me are better. My ex job was right, I am better off staying home with the kids. I have applied for job after job to hear nothing back, I have done everything to make my self worth feel worthy to only come crashing down to earth and feeling worse off.
The hardest thing is talking to someone about it. Hubby things I am being stupid (um hello i think to myself that is what i have been trying to tell you). He doesn't want to talk about issues and even though he says its ok to stay home, the random calls about jobs coming up suggest other wise. Today is my misery day. The day I load the DVD with kids programs and sit my butt on the couch and just cry. Perhaps I'll snap out of it, perhaps I'll stay like this until my faith is restored, who knows.
Time and something positive will soon tell.
